S.I.K. Blog: Francine Falls Together 10/9/2009
By Train Wreck
You know, we are so used to stories about how this fell apart and that fell apart. Politicians fall from power and celebrities fall from grace. Don’t you think it’s time that there is a story of something or someone “falling together”?
When a baby is born it is expected that the child will be surrounded by its parents love. Francine was surrounded by tubes and sterile plastic with bright hospital lights in her face. Her mother was a functioning heroin addict. It was 2 ½ months before Francine was strong enough to come home. At 2 ½ years, her parents started using a pretty little blonde girl to pay for their drugs and gambling addictions. She was subjected to trips to Mexico to meet groups of pedophiles. Her mother kept a steady diet of visiting pedophiles coming to the home after school and on weekends. Francine was not allowed to have neighborhood friends or visit school friends often. That would have interfered with the johns coming by to visit Francine and the drugs for her parents. Francine was given a bicycle for her seventh birthday. She was only allowed to ride it a handful of times. The bicycle stayed out on the patio until it rusted from lack of use. It was finally thrown away. When Francine asked her parents to have friends over, she was told that the neighborhood kids weren’t “good enough” for her. At one point, Francine had an opportunity to be a model. Her parents said “no”. Francine loved her parents and never seemed to be able to please them. (It’s hard to please a junky needing a fix.)
Her parents somehow brainwashed her into staying with them until her mid twenties. After she left her parents she worked at the community college that she had attended. Francine struggled for years with depression. She struggled through a few relationships and evictions. Finally, she was unable to work regular jobs. Her emotions were too unstable. Francine started working at places like the Chateau in fetish work. She was cute, young and blonde. There was always someone that was willing to pay for the privilege of spanking, restraining, fondling, etc. She was what is referred to as a “submissive”. Basically, she worked at dungeon as a slave or as an assistant at local LA spas. Her emotional stability deteriorated gradually as time went on.
A more detailed account will be available from Francine in the future.
Fast forward to October 2005. I met Francine while we both worked with a female client of mine. I was a marketing assistant and performance coach. Francine was a PA. This “client” was extraordinarily difficult to work with. She did have charm that was undeniable. The hours were long, tasks were near impossible. Then there was the relationship that I had with Francine. Have you heard of love at first sight? Well, this was hate at first glimpse? It wasn’t long before our work ethic and talents won each other over. We both agreed to stay at our clients home 24 hour/day for 10 weeks. Working that close together helped us become good friends quickly. We performed well together. Our client got to the next level of her career in December 2005. We left after the Rock City News Awards that month. I convinced Francine to go back to dungeon work as a switch (she refused to be a dominatrix). I agreed to work as her marketing assistant and PA. She did well at first, but something was wrong. She started to rely on me more and more. It was expedient for us to live and work together, so we rented a room in Hollywood. Francine started to have severe mental problems and it was as if I had become a babysitter when she wasn’t at work. She often called me from work in crisis. Soon I discovered that she was having flashbacks from her childhood. She started regressing often until in mid 2008 she could hardly work. Francine was able to attend performances at Club Hell and others. Despite her problems, it was poetry when she hit the stage.
In 2007, I convinced her to use a book that had helped me years earlier. The title is The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. The improvement was slow and excruciating. Daily crisis, crying jags, deep depression, forgetfulness were Francine’s daily fare. I felt helpless at times. We lived in an apartment in North Hollywood that I converted into a palatial dungeon. It was in the neighborhood that she grew up in. That situation spawned constant flashbacks. Finally, I packed everything up and took her out to live temporarily in Arkansas. This got her out of a neighborhood full of triggers. Sometimes you gotta get the soldier off the battlefield to treat them. Progress was still slow, but better. One day while staying with a sponsor in Arkansas, I saw a commercial for a book on addiction cure (The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure) on CNN. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve been living with a secret for years. I was abused as child and subsequently a teenage alcoholic. I sold drugs to afford the alcohol. I was a recovering alcoholic by age 15 and in therapy for emotional damage by 17. Among other things, I learned to love and trust myself by the time I turned 20. On my 21st birthday, I gave in and had a drink at a Christmas party. I assumed that I had relapsed. I was hung over and scared the next morning. They sold beer at the grocery store where worked. When I got to work and had to walk past the beer & wine section, no shakes. I waited for the sickening feeling of compulsion. Nothing. Days passed. Still nothing. I didn’t drink again for months. To this day, I have never binged. I don’t drink everyday or week. I’m too busy. The terrible secret was that I was a cured alcoholic. I was afraid to admit it for fear that it would give struggling reformed alcoholics permission to drink. I learned in therapy (my therapy was revolutionary) that “it wasn’t what you were eating, but what was eating you”. Enough about me. This is about Mistress Francine.
I called the number on the screen and looked the book up on the Internet to check it out. Finally, the kind if therapy that changed my life was openly available. That meant that it could help Francine. Praise the Lord. When I called and talked to Pax Prentiss, he sent six books at no charge. I gave one to Francine and we studied those books for month. Then miracles started to happen for Francine. She still has a great deal of work to do undoing what her parents and others did to her. Francine has made more progress in 6 weeks than in the last 2 years. Francine is finally falling together.
Social Ill Kill aka S.I.K. is a community of Child Abuse Survivors and supporters. This is a big job. Everyone has something to offer whether support by friend us or donating goods, services, etc. At least voice your support and financial contributions are accepted by Paypal. See our Donations Page. Thanks.
What a beautiful lady in the above picture. Look closely at her pretty face. This is the face of the someone suffering from the long term affects of child abuse. Her name is Francine. In this picture she is dealing with panic attacks. Panic attacks left behind by the emotional scars from sexual child abuse. It is often referred to as Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or PTSD. In the picture, Francine was at NAMM in Anaheim, California 2008. She was photographed many times. Her career as a model and entertainer seemed to be getting a big boost from the exposure. Unfortunately, her panic attacks were becoming less controllable as time went by. After year of coping, Francine broke down. She was unable to to consummate the publicity. So many people suffer silently with similar heartbreak.
This is where the community of Child Abuse Survivors is being asked to come together and say, "No More".
Some estimates number adult survivors at 50 million Americans. The facts are not clear. Many have tremendous emotional and even physical problems. Many simply exist and cope in silent misery. One thing that is certain is: not enough is being done to preserve their health. Another thing that is certain is this: there are enough of survivors to form a community is large enough to support a major healing outreach project. We are asking survivors everywhere to contact us to start forming this community. You are not alone or even a small minority. And as the first two Child Abuse Survivors of S.I.K., we want to welcome you. You met Francine. My name is Roy "Train Wreck" Sudduth. I hope Mackenzie Phillips finds this. I hope someone tells her that a community is forming. And some of us may have found the road to Real Recovery. Please visit my blog "Francine Falls Together".
Francine's Blog Supporters
by Roy Sudduth on 03/26/11
|Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA SM) is an international self-help support group program designed specifically for adult survivors of neglect, physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse. The ASCA SM program offers:
- Community based self-help support groups
- Provider based self-help support groups
- Web based self-help support groups
- Survivor to Thriver workbooks
We are starting an ASCA Support Group in The Dallas Area to aid in the recovery of Adult Child Abuse Survivors. Let's all join Francine in "Healing the Land, Healing the People" efforts supported by Social Ill Kill (the SIK Community).